It's Christmas.

Nice, France

Hard to believe but tomorrow is Christmas.  The day after I came home from Thailand, we had a rainstorm and then the day after came a severe wind.  The result of all this was the falling of a hundred year old Oak tree from up on a hill down the street from our house.  

It happened at 10am but luckily no one was injured.  A roof was taken out and two cars were badly smashed and the telephone pole was down for 24 hours but then power was quickly restored by the local power company, EDF before all the food could spoil in refrigerators up and down the street.   

Yesterday I went out to see all the last minute shoppers but didn't really indulge in shopping except to stock up on candles and charge up my devices at a local coffee shop. There was a bit of sparkle in the air but that frantic last minute desperation also. 

Today though was such a wonderful crisp, glorious day that I went out to sit for half an hour at the sea before I went to the hairdresser.   There was a woman in her sixties, swimming for a long time and then emerging in her bikini to her waiting husband who wrapped her in a towel.  I had just been swimming a few days before in the warm waters of Koh Samet, Thailand and was amazed at her stamina.  

I saw and heard little hints of Thailand today too...  a piece of banana left on a wall, some crazy Asian music coming from the device of a Chinese girl who passed, pineapples lined up in the market.  

I am starting to open the Christmas cards that loved ones have sent and feel that Christmas connection that all of us long for.   But since we won't have visitors this year, I want to take in every little bit of perfection I see around me and make that my celebration with my husband.  

Wherever you are, I hope you feel the same, a sort of gratitude that the world is still beautiful, that people are still kind.  

At the hairdresser a French woman, a stranger, approached me to tell me that her name was also Payne, that her husband was English. They must have told her my name at the desk.  We had a graceful moment of sharing....completely unexpected.    And Mina, my little coiffeuse from Reunion, so lovely in her red sweater and festive shoes, made me look like Anna Wintour with the perfect bob.  I left with a head full of the Christmas spirit.

 It was good to be far away with my brother in Thailand and learn so much but it is good to be home again too. 

 I am wishing for you today the calm and quiet joy that comes from being content , planted as you are.  Have a joyful holiday wherever you are.

Giving Merit

One of the things I admire about Thailand is the practice of Buddhism and how well it seems to influence the country for the better.  It seems that this philosophy has a lot to do with the fact that people seem genuinely happy, content, generous of disposition and well disposed towards one another even though their country has all the plagues and problems of people in general.  

Today in Bangkok, we were to go with our host couple to "give merit" and visit the Buddhist center in the middle of Bangkok.  Here is what Wikipedia says about the concept of merit making.

Merit (Sanskrit: puṇya, Pali: puñña) is a concept considered fundamental to Buddhist ethics. It is a beneficial and protective force which accumulates as a result of good deeds, acts, or thoughts. Merit-making is important to Buddhist practice: merit brings good and agreeable results, determines the quality of the next life and contributes to a person's growth towards enlightenment. In addition, merit is also shared with a deceased loved one, in order to help the deceased in their new existence. Despite modernization, merit-making remains essential in traditional Buddhist countries and has had a significant impact on the rural economies in these countries.

In our case the "merit making" was in memory of a deceased mother and our merit was to release two big fish bought at the outdoor market that day into the large pond in which the Buddhist center is located.  The prayer we recited was this Animal Freeing Prayer:

"We free these animals, saving them from slaughter, wishing them be safe and live the rest of their lives well-fed. May the merits we make save us from sorrow, disease and dangers. May we be healthy and strong.  May our bodies be ready to do more good deeds until the end.  May we be led to Nirvana.  
May we be blessed from making this merit and the ones made before.  May we be forgiven the bad Karma we have committed in our present and past lives.   We share the blessings with all beings in the world: the humans,  the animals, the living and dead, the demons and angels, ones we have encountered and ones we have forgotten.  May those suffering be free from pain.  May the joyous be more merry.  May the ones who are stuck go across. We wish all to have parts in this merit, we wish them to rejoice and we ask for their forgiveness. "

Fish to be released for merit

Merit given in memory of Grandmother.

A large monitor lizard living in the Buddha center pond, Bangkok

Art statue which reflects in the water as "We" 

Buddha Center outlook in Bangkok

After the prayer and release of the fish we visited the Buddha center and Goi explained the art to be found there and how it depicted the philosophy of Buddhism. 

 I was interested to find that there is no "God" in Buddhism.    We had an interesting discussion about what substitutes for praying to God found in religions...as Buddhism is not considered a "religion".

    I find it interesting that The Buddha did not espouse the collection of material wealth but all of the old temples are made of gold, red and glittering decorations and images.   The Buddha center, however was free of such ornamentation. 

 I seems that it must be human nature to worship something or somebody with praise and opulence.    And Buddhism, it appears... although not a religion often substitutes for one in the hearts of many of it's adherents.     

Visit to Buddha Wat Pho and Wat Arun

We spent a lot of time in the courtyards of the Emerald Buddha but there was still the sumptuous reclining Buddha to see 700 meters away from the Grand Palace.   Here there was a large collection of Buddha figurines, the largest being the 46 meter long gold plated reclining Buddha that we wanted to see.

One of the kings reception rooms on leaving the Grand Palace

Leaving the temples of the Grand Palace

Wat Pho where the reclining Buddha resides is one of Bangkok's most ancient temples and was once a monastery of the Bodhi tree from India.  It existed before King Rama I declared Bangkok the capital in 1782.  The temple was later rebuilt and expanded by King Rama III ( 1787-1851).  It is also the birthplace of traditional natural Thai medicine and massage which is still taught and practiced today.   It was intended as an educational center for these practices.  There are several statues we saw depicting massage and yoga positions.

Ancient tablets showing the meridians of the body.

Massage and yoga positions

A rather daunting massage technique

 This elegant Thai girl pushes the boundaries of what is acceptable clothing for temples

but she was carrying a scarf to throw over her shoulders before entering a temple.

One of the Chinese statues, a gift to one of the Rama kings.

The idea of the reclining Buddha was conceived to copy the pose of a sleeping lion which represents complete spiritual enlightenment attained through the ending of all worldly desires. 

The soles of the feet of the Buddha are exquisetly crafted with inlaid mother of pearl (see below). 

the soles of the feet of the reclining Buddha

 And at the center of each foot is the symbol of the wheel ( dharma-cause and effect).

The head as seen from the back posed on elaborate pillows

The reclining buddha makes quite an impression....too bad the pavilion erected over the statue prevents one from seeing the whole thing at one time, but it is otherwise protected so I see the point. 
  Around the room were 108 bronze bowls representing the 108 auspicious characteristics of The Buddha.   It is believed that donating coins into these bowls brings wealth and prosperity.  But mostly I think the monks use these coins to help maintain the temple. 

Between the two temples,  we were pretty saturated by temple visiting on a hot day and paused for water and a discussion with Qiu about what Buddhism means to her.   I am curious if all Thais meditate.   I found throughout the trip that many ordinary Thais do have a daily practice of sitting meditation but some use other forms of activity to meditate.  

Last stop was to see Wat Arun before stopping by the outdoor bazaar of mid day in Bangkok.     

One of the entry buildings to Wat Arun

The spire of Wat Arun

Food sellers outside the temple

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My best memory of Wat Arun is Qiu charging off across the grass to educate some young anglo tourists inappropriately dressed for the temple who were standing on their heads on the grass thus exposing the soles of their feet to the temple and letting the shirt of the girl slip down  to uncover her bra. 

 I was glad that I had read all the material that was sent out by Tell Tale Travel about Thai beliefs and customs.   Qiu ran off to educate these kids and we looked on bemused and pleased at her efforts.  With a country grown and modernized so fast, the ancient customs and beliefs are more important than ever.  

By the way, Wat Arun is considered to be the most famous and photographed temple in Bangkok.  It features a 70 meter high spire decorated with tiny pieces of colored glass and Chinese porcelain not unlike the buildings of the Grand Palace and Temple of the emerald Buddha.  

It has been newly replastered with new pieces of porcelain studding the plaster throughout.  We were able to climb up a bit and examine it.   The locals were at first unhappy at how white it was since it had almost turned black with age.  But now everyone is happy with the new plaster as it has a bit of patina.  

​

Visit to the Emerald Buddha, Grand Palace, Bangkok

Grounds of the Grand Palace , Bangkok

 For many years I wanted to see Thailand and last year I started planning a trip with my brother, Dave.  The best time of year turned out to be December so we left 30 November.   I have just returned, 19th December,  just in time to muse about the Christmas season in full swing.

We decided to use Tell Tale Travel, the same small British company we traveled with to Sri Lanka, but this time we decided on a trip they called Nature Adventures in Thailand tailored for just two people.  We included three days on an island before making our way home.   We like Tell Tale because of their personal service.  I know just about all of the team now and can call and talk to them any time.  The company also plans their trips with responsibility to animals, the planet, the country visiting and its customs and people.  

  And I have to say that it was the trip of a lifetime, equally enlightening and enjoyable as my trip to India when I was 34 years old.  Now I am 73 and Dave is 71.   This trip would have worked for any age but it was nice to build in some leisure time at the end on Koh Samet to savor all we had done and seen in such a short time and have some unplanned days.

The advantage of a tailored trip for two was that there was a lot of time to get to know the hosts, drivers and guides assigned to us.  If you are a curious person and talkative like I am, there was time and opportunity to ask all the questions we wanted and get to talk to Thai people more than in a group.   I didn't feel as if I was ignoring the group or taking too much time with the driver's or guides. They were all happy to talk to us as much as we wished. 

Main house of our hosts in Bangkok

We arrived from Seattle and Nice respectively, to arrive separately in Bangkok and were each driven by the Tell Tale driver Tommy who was assigned to us throughout the trip. We were taken to a lovely home hidden on a side street in the middle of the 10 million people in and out of the huge city of Bangkok.   

 It was a small oasis not far from miles of freeways which criss-crossed the city.   Bangkok is a city that has grown so fast that our hosts remember jungle with wild elephants around when they were living there as children.  

Garden looking toward the street

Dave in front of our house in the back of the property

Our hosts were a family: mother, father and a brother living in the main house.   Another house at the back was to be ours.  It had been grandmother's house and was equipped with two baths, three small bedrooms, a kitchen and a lounge area.  
  For meals we went to the main house where lovely Thai dishes were produced by a Burmese maid who also lives there with her husband.    A son, Maai who was studying to become a pilot for Thai Airways popped in occasionally to join us for meals.   We did not meet daughter, Nam who is currently studying for a Master's degree in Japan. 

Our host and hostess in Bangkok, Khun Goi and Khun Wanji.

Kitchen lady and brother are included here

Even though I was jet lagged from flying east, our first big day out was to visit three temples with our guide, Qiu. ( kee- oo)  She was a history and communications professor and loved being a guide.  She came from a huge family of 12 kids and was energetic, cheerful and enthusiastic.  She also thoroughly respected the Thai traditions and I was glad that I had been warned to choose long trousers and a long sleeve blouse to visit the sacred places.  In fact Tell Tale sent a dossier before our trip to advise us on what is expected. We found that it is disrespectful to dress in shorts, tee shirts, bare shoulders or immodest dress, for both men and women.   Shoes are always removed before entering homes, or especially before entering temples.

First stop was to see the Emerald Buddha in the Grand Palace.  We went by boat which is a quick and efficient way to get to the center. 

  I have to say that the smallish jade statue of the Emerald (colored) Buddha itself was a bit of a let down as it is elevated above the heads of worshippers and tourists so that it appears quite small. It is made from one piece of green jade which is almost completely covered with golden clothes and diamonds ( the clothes are changed to different items three times a year).     This statue is, however, Thailand's most important sacred temple and relic and also that a single piece of jade of it's size is rare.

Temples and out buildings within the walls of the Palace

Detail of the glass and gold filigree work on most of the buildings and the temple

Lovely young Thais we came across

The actual temple of the Emerald Buddha as seen from the side. Two golden Stupas are on either side.

Qiu, our guide

What is even more impressive however are the beautiful courtyards of exquisite Royal architecture in the form of temples and Presidential buildings which surround the temple of the Emerald Buddha.    Many are covered with bits of colorful glass in intricate patterns and enamel and porcelain.  The effect is quite dazzling. 

What is interesting is that the Emerald Buddha itself most resembles images from southern India and Sri Lanka and has travelled in numerous areas of Asia where armies have battled over its ownership.

There are reliable historical records that indicate that this  Buddha was kept in Chiang Rai from 1391-1436.   By chance, lightning striking the temple revealed the jade statue hidden inside a plaster Buddha to protect it from theft.

The rest of the story is equally intriguing, but I will not relate it here. Suffice it to say that King Rama I of Thailand retrieved the "emerald" Buddha from Laos in 1782 and brought it to its present resting place in the newly established capital of Thailand, Bangkok.

Also included in the visit are exquisitely painted murals done with gold leaf depicting an elaborate tale from Indian lore.

Part of a wall length mural 

Qiu in front of the mural

A young Thai girl posing for a photo

That's me in front of the Temple of the Emerald Buddha

Lotus , incense and candles are burned as offerings for prayers

Jimmy's car

  Well I'm back.... for now.  This year was one of reflection and other forms of creative writing took the place of my blog... mainly scribbling some poetry and I let the blog languish.  Since Google just recently started making noises about taking away their free services I was relieved to hear that the blogspot site was not one of them.  And thus I was inspired to use it or lose it.

This was the birthday week, so  I got to touch base with lots of people, some just on Facebook,  but social media is not all bad.  I get more laughs and grins on Facebook than in a typical day, even though I don't glance at it every day.   That doesn't say much for my social life, but I still see a big handful of friends here. 

This week I got more birthday greetings than I probably deserve, having been out of touch so long.    I got a birthday greeting from Jimmy and Rita in Carmel and so I thought to send them this poem that I started probably 40+ years ago and just finished last year.  

Jimmy’s car : Looking back

I borrowed a friend’s car                                           

good friend, brave to let me go                                

just learning the stick                                               

barely able to hold a hill                                           

and this his only vehicle                                          

old relic really but defining                                                 

the character of the man                                        

the owner:  young, beautiful 

Greek head of an old coin;                                    

ingenuous,  the “real deal”,                                           

are words that occur, but the                                    

car, the car should be long                                       

defunct in an auto graveyard 
somewhere complete with cur                                                                                                                      
for it was red now flaking oxide worn                

with time and miles                                                  

the seat now broken                                                

noises threaten, the body                                         

having no inside skin                                       

starting up a silent prayer                                     

as the dashboard panel’s out                      

sometimes out cruising                                           

the window drops down scary                              

the bang of it.                                                               

But the car yet lives                                               

embracing the tarmac                                            

innards purring,                                                        

a caressed cajoled                                                    

beloved beast                                                             

but take care while glancing down                                           

there’s a hole      

beneath your clutch                                       

not much, size of a gas cap                           

but a warning perhaps for                            

the irresistible draw

the bewitching grip                                        

of an asphalt river                                          

spinning                                                              

beneath your feet.

But when you finally make it                                

home intact

and didn’t even stall                

out on Carmel hill,

you will be able to count

this as one of the singular

rides of your life,

like the roller coaster

Luna Park Milan or

the time in the future

when you will ride camelback

in India and you can salute

my good pal, Jimmy

who still lives in Carmel

with a house full of energetic,

smart grand kids

and a gorgeous German wife .

Mary M Payne

                         

.

D.H. Lawrence on art theory

  I am still not able to get the advertising off of my art blog, so I am going to post some of my art here from time to time.   I may tackle that problem one day when my enthusiasm can be channeled in that direction.  I am open to suggestions. 

  For the moment, however,  I am baffled as to where to start and so many more appealing pastimes are taking my attention, like how to make a mask out of paper mâché. 

Detail from collage by Mary M Payne

Yes, that is part of my new assignment but before I tackle that, I thought I'd put up this quote from D.H. Lawrence sent by a friend of ours.   Thanks Charlie, I sympathize with Lawrence, 


 "Ours is an excessively conscious age.  We know so much, we feel so little.  I have lived enough around painters and around studios to have had all the theories – and how contradictory they are – rammed down my throat.  A man has to have a gizzard like an ostrich to digest all the brass tacks and wire nails of modern art theories. 

 Perhaps all the theories, the utterly indigestible theories, like nails in an ostrich’s gizzard, do indeed help to grind small and make digestible all the emotional and aesthetic pabulum that lies in an artist’s soul.  But they can serve no other purpose.  Not even corrective. 

 The modern theories of art make real pictures impossible.  You only get these expositions, critical ventures in paint, and fantastic negations.  And the bit of fantasy that may lie in the negation – as in a Dufy or a de Chirico – is just the bit that has escaped theory and perhaps saves the picture.  Theorise, theorise all you like – but when you start to paint, shut your theoretic eyes and go for it with instinct and intuition."

D.H. Lawrence:  Making Pictures in The Creative Process, edited by Brewster Ghiselin

Dear M.

This letter is not momentous,  just a little finger reaching out to touch your shoulder over there in "crazy" land.  But for that matter everywhere now seems to be crazy land.  This weekend Monsieur read an article saying that a study of people's "sense of well being" shows that we all, world-wide, feel more uneasy than we did even a few years ago.  A few points on the scale was considered a huge difference to other years, apparently.  

I myself can attest to feelings of desperation that come from no real problems.  I was obsessed a few days ago about carpenter ants who seem to be dropping bits of sawdust onto my kitchen terrace every morning.  Of course I pictured, the house falling down around our bed one Sunday morning just as we are looked forward to K's special omelet or our first cup of coffee. Luckily the spraying we did yesterday seems to have discouraged them.

Also, I have been completely crazy about tearing down a flowering vine that grew to mythic proportions (more like a plant depicted in Jurassic Park)when I was away.    I have only so much energy for this garden and I have begun to feel a certain slavery to it.  So I have been sawing and gnawing at this cascading vine for about 3 weeks now and still haven't been able to completely tame it.  

And then there is the call to Social Security I have been trying to make since I got home.  Of course, they are not answering their phone, why should they?  It is enough to put up a lame website and disable the FAQ part of the site, to make themselves feel accountable.  There seems to be a secret pact that any monies that one wants to collect from Social Security belong to the people who work there and that if you were to draw money out ( that you put in) then each bureaucrat would suffer personally.

But all of these micro concerns are probably due to the fact that I have upped my portion of caffeine since I got back.....jealous no doubt that my siblings do not seem susceptible to going sparky when they drink more than one cup in the mornings.

Now I am down again to one cup in the morning and decaf for the rest of the day....or better yet, water....which for some reason has never been my beverage of choice.

I also came home to find that I have isolated myself over here and am hard pressed to just call someone up for a coffee or a meal out.  I think I did this to myself, but having had such great communications with my family and friends in America, I feel sometimes that it is a mistake.   

The people I had tried to contact seemed to be busy with their lives which I, in my immediate state of paranoia, have taken personally even though one could say that it was I who abandoned them.  

However even that has changed now that my art class has started again.  Monday I re-connected with  old pals and even found two new people who really want to talk to me, so I am starting to feel better now. 

How was your trip to Mexico?  Did you get more than a tourist would get from this trip? Was it a tour, or did you plan it yourself? What did you get that was personal only to you?  Did you have the urge to crow about it and if so, crow away.   I'm listening. 

 I think we all need to be away and apart to get back to who we are....especially if our own tribe at home defines us in a way we don't always recognize. I think I read something like this recently as a quote from Ann Morrow Lindbergh .....from her "gifts from the sea" book.

  I think I should pick that little gem up again.  I find that books I read when I was young have a different spin on them now that I am further along.  

Being further along, I am not sure I have improved in my way of thinking.  I am perhaps more serious and realistic about humans, but the way I look at things has changed somewhat. 

   I no longer dwell so much on "magical" thinking as a great denial technique. But "agnostic" is a word that leaves me cold. It means innocently enough "not knowing" but it takes on a colder tinge for me when people tell me they are agnostic.  The word has an arrogance about it.  Instead of saying I believe in nothing until it can be proved, I like to say that I believe in everything until you can prove it's not so. 

  I have been looking over a poem I found recently by Gerard Manley Hopkins.  I think the first stanza is basically saying that we are defined by what we do. Stones and bells ring when something strikes them: dragonflies and kingfishers glint as they go about their business. 

As kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies draw flame

Gerard Manley Hopkins, 1844- 1889

As kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies

draw flame; 
As tumbled over rim in roundy wells 
Stones ring;like each tucked string tells,each hung bell’s 
Bow swung finds tongue to fling out 

broad its name; 
Each mortal thing does one thing and the same:         
Deals out that being indoors each one 

dwells; 
Selves—goes itself; myself it speaks and spells, 
Crying Whát I do is me: for that I came. 
 
I say more: the just man justices; 
Keeps grace: that keeps all his goings

graces;         
Acts in God’s eye what in God’s eye he is— 
Chríst— for Christ plays in ten thousand

places, 
Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not

his 
To the Father through the features of 

men's faces.

In other words, I think Hopkins is saying, do what you came to do, be who you are or "To thine own self be true."  



 Of course, we have all heard this.  Being true to one's inner self has been a cliche for a long time, maybe since Shakespeare (or whomever it was) said it.  But how do you know if you are really being you?  







Well, this poet from the 1800's tries to explain it.  It's about taking action, about sending your own true essence into existence.  Like thoughts are "things" and doing proves it. 














I have come to believe that being yourself in all that you do, well, that's when you know you're keeping it real and that's kind of what it takes to get forward. 



So just to tell myself one more time,  as soon as I finish this coffee and get dressed, I am walking out to buy cat food and to observe my essence today and see what it is that I manifest.   



And M, let me know what that is for you, would you?   Write me....even a snail mail if you want. 



Oh, and if there are some strange change of fonts, sizes and spacing in this post, ignore it.  It's google doing what it does. 



Love, mary